A good friend of mine rather likes coffee. When I last worked with him he’d frequently do ridiculously long hours, drink copious amounts of Red Bull (which is loaded with caffeine) and it’s no surprise to me that he’s now taken the same approach to coffee. He doesn’t drink a cup, he drinks 5 cups. All double strength. And when he’s a bit peckish he just eats a mouthful of raw coffee beans. I believe he’s also ground coffee into his toothpaste too. (Note, everything is true apart from the toothpaste - so far as I’m aware).

I always react with incredulity (you know, that sort of expression where my eyebrows jump two inches upwards) when he tells me about the amount of caffeine he ingests but as I was sitting doing some work on John’s Background Switcher yesterday I realised that I’m just as bad. I tend to start every day with a freshly made latte (we have loads of disposable cups so I can drink it on the drive to work). I then eat several tiffins - chocolate based biscuit snacks - per day if I can get any (I really must write about my obsession with those some time), which contain more caffeine. I bring a bottle of juice to work to stop myself buying fizzy drinks (which works) but then go home and reward myself with a can of Irn Bru (good work undone):

For anybody who’s never heard of the stuff, Irn Bru is the ubiquitous Scotsman’s drink. Most Scottish people I know love the stuff, and most non-Scottish people I know - who’ve tried it - hate the stuff. The advertising slogan of the 80’s described Irn Bru as being “Made in Scotland…. from girders” (said in a gruff Scottish accent) and that’s about as close to an accurate description of the taste as you’ll get. It’s loaded with additives, loaded with caffeine, and could probably strip paint at 30 paces. But I love the stuff!

I probably drink a can a day on average - far too much - which adds more to the caffeine count. If there are still some tiffins around I’ll eat them too. More caffeine. The bottom line is that like my friend I consume far too much caffeine and no doubt that’s what causes me to stay awake really late at night and struggle to get up in the morning and crave that first cup of coffee to wake me up.

I’m sure I can cut down on the Irn Bru, but I love the taste of coffee so I reckon that’ll have to be my vice (everybody’s got to have a vice) and, with a heavy heart, I’ll have to cut down on my beloved tiffins. I’ll give it a couple of months to see if I feel any different and report back then. In the meantime expect more posts in the ‘Rant‘ category!

If - like me - you've just redecorated a room in your house (in my case my office / second TV room) then you've probably got some excess furniture. Particularly if you went to IKEA for shelves and came back with stupidly expensive floor-to-ceiling book cases (which, to be fair, are both solid and very cool). Normally I'd just break them up and throw them down the local tip but these are different days. Now I have a Mac that just begs me to do creative things with it. When combined with the fact that everyone who knows me probably thinks I have a massive ego - I don't really but nobody believes me - I thought I may as well give them what they want. So I came up with the following picture and emailed it round work to see if there were any takers:

And incredibly I got rid of the lot within about 20 minutes! Excellent! Now, when it comes time to sell my car, I wonder what I'll be able to come up with… You see, this is one of the many reasons that my brother works in marketing and I don't - I think he got the marketing gene and I got something else - not sure what!

I haven't read a non-technical book for well over a year. The main reason for this is that when I read books I tend to do it to excess. Like my mother before me I'm able to read books rather quickly - I can get through an average-sized 300 page book in a day or two (although normally I like to take it easy and stretch it out another day or so) - and when I do that I'll pick up another book straight away and so on. This means that I can get through a lot of books in a short period of time. The side-effect is that I tend to burn out after a while and a year can go by when I don't read a thing. Then I'll pick up a book and the cycle starts over.

For example, I borrowed the first Inspector Rebus book written by Ian Rankin from a colleague a few years ago. I really enjoyed it (being set in Edinburgh was a great start). After reading it I realised that Ian Rankin had in fact written a dozen or so Inspector Rebus books (17 now) so I made it my mission to read them all. I ordered 3 sets of trilogies and then proceeded to read 8 of the books back to back. Then I burned out and didn't pick up another book for quite some time.

As I said, I haven't read a non-technical book in over a year (maybe two now I think about it) and while I was away on holiday on Arran the other week I spied an Andy McNab book on the bookcase (called Aggressor as it happens). I sat down and read it and rather enjoyed it (an easy read with adventure, sex, guns, and lots of tough-guy SAS-speak). Following that I spotted the first two books from the Terry Pratchett Discworld series. For years I've been meaning to read them but since there are so many I knew it would be a major ordeal to get through them all (which my compulsive reading habits would demand) and refrained.

So here were the first two books in the series and I had no excuse but to read them. Which I did. I was halfway through the second book when we left but I decided to "borrow" it and return it when I'd finished (reminder to self: make good on that promise). Pratchett's humour really cracks me up and I kept annoying my good lady by bursting into laughter at random times. When I finished the second book I was straight on Amazon marketplace buying up more of them for 1p a pop. Then I had a look and realised that he's written about 36 of the damn things! Since I want to avoid burnout this time I'm attempting to pace myself by only buying 3-4 books at a time, reading them and then getting some more - trying to drip-feed myself instead of binge eating them.

Anyway, I've just started book six (Wyrd Sisters) and I'll try and take my time about it. It's better than sitting in bed a night reading about regular expressions!

Hello, you probably don’t know me: I’m Stuart, an ex-colleague and friend of John (not all Johns, just this one). Before I start, let’s get some things straight: I am not Scottish, I don’t live in Yorkshire and after reading this post, you’ll realise that my adventures are not the same.

I’ve read John’s blog since he began - I know the person behind the sense and the nonsense that you read here, and I can tell you that what you read is what you get - there are no hidden, nasty traits to John (lots of haircuts, but only one face).

You may or may not know that John is off on holiday next week and, strangely, he deemed me capable enough to be able to fill in for him during his absence. Did you notice that child-like naivety was one of his personality traits?

It will become evident that I’m new to the blogging world. However, I started my own blog a few weeks ago and John has become my most devoted, actually, my only, reader.

I never really understood blogging; mostly it’s inane drivel (like this post), with a few odd gems that have helped me in my professional and personal life. However, following John’s latest visit to see us, with his beloved wife and Mac in tow, I got hooked and have started writing.

In general, blogs are just diaries and I hate diaries, but strangely enough, I have kept the only diary I ever wrote. It’s purple (in case you wanted to know), and dates from 1982. I must have written it because I thought I should have a diary, because, judging by the content, there can be no other reason. There are many riveting entries early in the year, some of the classics being:

• “Rained today” (I come from the north of England so this seems self-evident, although I haven’t cross-checked this entry with the Met Office for accuracy).
• “Played football. Won 2-1. Didn’t score“. A single reference to a long-forgotten football match, rather than two references: one to the result of a football match followed by one to the result of trying to find a girlfriend and/or illicit drugs at the under-16 disco.
• However, there is one small delve into the personal arena (I couldn’t be too explicit in case my mum found it). “Pam’s tonight“. She was a long-term girlfriend at the time - 3 weeks - I presume the entry is a reference to a visit to her house that evening, rather than a revelation that tonight did, in fact, belong to Pam.

Like a British summer, the diary entries fizzled out in mid-April, so we will never know what happened for the rest of the year. Maybe such summer gems as “Sunny Today, 21°C” or the autumnal, “Leaves falling, getting damper” are lost forever. Sad, indeed.

The last person that John invited to write on his blog persuaded him to go out and buy a Mac as a result. I’m hoping (and I strongly suspect) that this post won’t persuade him to go out and buy a cheap 2007 diary - keeping his thoughts to himself would be a sad loss to the blogosphere.

If not, John will be back soon to regale us with holiday stories and no doubt some excellent photos of Arran.

In the meantime, if you want to read more of my (unfortunately, diary-like) thoughts about France, epilepsy, music and life in general, feel free to visit me…

I hope I haven’t decimated your audience base too much in your absence John!

I though it was time for another photo casebook, so here you go:

Don't worry if you can't make it to my desk to get a cake, next time you see me get me to buy you one. But you'd better like it! [Editor's note: my good lady actually had to buy hair rollers because she didn't have any and I wanted her to have that downtrodden wife look!]. Oh, and happy birthday Anne (whose birthday it actually is today)!

So last night I was tucking away into some poached eggs lovingly made by my good lady. The toast was well buttered and the eggs were perfectly poached (i.e. still a bit runny). All was well until I cut into the second of the two eggs and was presented with the following sight:

I’m not sure how well you can tell from the picture (I’d already eaten the other egg which would have helped for comparison) but the egg yolk is completely white with not even a hint of yellow! The egg was well within its sell-by date and the other one (from the same batch) was just fine. Has anybody come across such a phenomenon before?

Update 1: Andy B has a better photo of a white egg yolk compared to a normal one in his comment below.

Update 2: The general consensus is that white egg yolks are perfectly safe to eat and the reason they’re white is a lack of pigment. Count yourself lucky if you ever find one - they’re pretty rare! Lots more information in the comments below.

After re-factoring the templates that generate this site I was randomly flicking through some pages just to make sure everything was working as intended. (I'm glad to say it is - in that nothing looks different). While on this page I accidentally clicked the spellcheck button that's part of Google Toolbar and was presented with the following message:

It reads: "The default language you have selected for spellchecking is English, but your text looks like it might be Portuguese. Would you like to change the language to Portuguese?". The nerve!

One of the most annoying aspects of being left-handed is the simple act of writing with a pen. You see, the pen - and more specifically the ball point pen - has a fatal flaw. They were designed by right-handed people. Let me explain with a picture and some arrows:

As you can see from the picture, I’m writing from left to right and I’m left-handed. The problem is that a ball point pen is designed to allow ink to flow out of the nib while it’s being moved across a page. This principle works well if you’re right handed since you spent 99% of your time with the nib facing away from the direction of travel. But write left-handed and most of the time is spent with the nib pushing directly into the paper itself, preventing the free-flow of ink to the page. Write a paragraph or two and the ball point pen will often dry up, you’ll need to scribble a bit and you’ll be able to carry on.

It’s like stroking a cat. If you stroke it from head to tail (and it’s a friendly cat) it will most likely purr and be nice to you since that’s the direction its fur grows. Stroke it from tail to head on the other hand and - unless it’s one of those mad cats that likes it - the moggie will look at you in a particularly unimpressed fashion before hissing at you / biting you / scratching you / walking away and ignoring you for a while / hissing at you then biting you / hissing at you, biting you then scratching you and so on…

Don’t even get me started on fountain pens. I don’t care what you say, it is physically impossible to write with a fountain pen when you’re left-handed unless you adopt some wrist-straining style of holding a pen. But the risk of arthritis in later life makes it a non-option for me. There are myriad other types of pen that have their own particular problems but there is one that turns out - completely by accident - to be the ultimate left-handed pen.

I am talking about the amazing fisher space pen. The incredible technological advances in the modern world are truly remarkable and none more so than the space pen. It was designed so that astronauts - whose pencils had broken and were stranded without a pencil sharpener in space - were still able to write shopping lists in a zero gravity situation. (At least, that’s what I’m assuming the design goals were).

I could explain to you exactly how it works by quoting the instructions but you wouldn’t understand it - I surely don’t - it’s just far too advanced for our human brains! But the bottom line is that the ink cartridge is pressurised so that even if you try writing upside down, or underwater, or… eh… upside down and under water, the ink will still flow. And of course, if you just happen to be left-handed writing from left-to-right (or right-handed writing right-to-left) then you’ll be thrilled to discover that the space pen won’t dry up on you mid-sentence! I bought one on impulse a few years ago and discovered this left-handed miracle and meant to spread the word but I’ve been too busy finishing all those sentences I’d half-written when the ink had dried up.

Even better, you don’t have to be left-handed to own one! Apparently (as you can see in the picture at right - click for the full version) if you dress like the Village People, then you can own one too!

[As an aside, the people who designed this brochure have the best job in the world. Imagine you've been given the brief along the lines of: "We want this flyer to show tough, rugged people that normal Joe's aspire to doing tough, rugged things with their space pens. Oh, and if you can make it a bit camp too then even better!". Must have been a real laugh.]

But on a more serious note (and being left-handed is a serious business), if you’re left handed and you’ve been left frustrated and let-down by pens in the past, then your choice is clear. You can either use a frikin’ pencil or buy a space pen! If you go for the latter (the right choice) then be prepared for other left-handed people demanding to know how you can keep writing paragraph after paragraph without pausing for breath. Just point them at this article and I’m sure they’ll make the right choice too!

My good lady and my wedding was a wonderful day. But we both have regrets from the day and things we'd like to have changed. It took her a while to admit to me that she really loved my white suit and imagined herself wearing it instead of her dress. But it took even longer for me to admit to myself and then to her that what I really wanted was to wear her dress myself for the day.

Well, we decided the only thing to do was to recreate the entire day and do it a bit differently. We booked the venue, re-invited the guests (most of whom we were delighted to find attended) and this time she wore the suit and I wore the dress. I think you'll agree this is how we should have done it first time around:

She looks amazing in my suit doesn't she? We stopped short of re-issuing a wedding list but if you feel like you'd like to send us something to congratulate us, then don't let me stop you!

I spent today at the MSDN Technical Roadshow in the fair town of Harrogate. It's strange but wherever I go - even back home to the place that I grew up - I never bump into anyone I know. It's like I'm permanently anonymous and I've kind of gotten used to that fact. I remember going out on a stag do once where one of the guys there was the sort of bloke who knew everybody - wherever he went someone would come up to him and ask him how he was - I've always been the opposite.

So imagine my surprise today when I bumped into an ex-colleague. As if that wasn't surprising enough, I then proceeded to bump into a guy I play football with over in Skipton (whom I didn't even realise was a developer). Just as my eyebrows were returning to their normal position from being raised well beyond recommended safety levels another ex-colleague walked up to me and said hello. He then pointed out that he was in fact there with yet another ex-colleague! His first words to me after not having seen me for a year or so was "you've got more grey hairs than me!" which made me laugh. (Note: I disagree with his assessment).

I was starting to get the hang of picking out people I know and it was just as well as I then spied another ex-colleague I'd rather not have to speak to so I kept my head down. "You ain't seen me, right…".

The roadshow itself was very interesting. I make it a point to not look at pre-beta Microsoft software since it's invariably got some really cool features that I wish I could use now but won't be available publicly for a year. Now having been forced to see some of these things I can see a lot of it will be quite useful, particularly LINQ in C#. I look forward to checking it all out. But the real surprise for me was meeting so many people I know - I guess I've been living in Yorkshire too long that I feel I'm starting to belong here!